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My Niqab Story
Alsalamualkum,
Inshallah I'll tell you my story although there isn't much excitement . Okay, let's start from the beginning....
I was in the fifth grade, going to public school, worked up with friends, soccer teams, volley ball and afternoons swimming in our backyard pool. At this time, Mom saw that it was time I started wearing Hijab, or at least acknowledge that someday I was going to wear it. So she began by asking us what colors of Hijab we would like (me and my sisters) how we think it should be pinned and such. After about two weeks of this sort of treatment, we awoke one mooring to find her waiting in front of the door with pins and Hijabs. I refused, cried, and felt frightened by the thought of wearing Hijab. But I had no way out, either I would go to school with it or I wasn't going anywhere. So with tears I pinned it on and my sisters and I headed to school. Mind you they're both younger then me. I was so scared to step into school with Hijab on, but I had no choice.
Alhamdulillah, my teacher who was a man didn't object or say anything, he was perfectly normal with my Hijab and so were my friends, although some kids I didn't know commented in a hurtful way. After that I never left home without a scarf. At first I wore everything with my Hijab. Pants, skirts, and shorts; everything that my mother allowed me to step out of the house with. Slowly, she bought us loose jeans and loose tops, and I wore loose pants for a while. Then she made and bought us skirts. I was excited with the cool colors the skirts she made us were and wore them happily. By this time, it was the beginning of the sixth grade and the beginning of our home schooling adventure. I wore skirts for a long time, with colored shirts, loose shirts and cardigans of sorts....
One day, a cousin from the US came to visit. She was wearing a black abayah, the kind with Velcro at both shoulders. I was so in love with it so she went home without it baraak allahu feeha.
At first it stayed in my closet, I would take it out to admire it then put it back in. Then one day all my clothes needed the laundry and I was wearing something not fit for wearing outside. So I wore it and we headed to Sunday Islamic school. There everyone loved it saying it was beautiful and elegant and stuff. That only encouraged me more. So I wore it on and off. Mind you during my transition from skirts to an unofficial abayah, my mom started wearing niqaab. My dad wasn't and still isn't a big fan of niqaab, afraid people would hurt or harass us, although he never stopped her or said no. Then under specific circumstances she had to take it off and never put it back on. All this time I admired her donning of the niqaab, but never thought I might want to wear it someday....
One day I was surfing the web, and found a website were that sold niqaabs and was giving away free niqaabs and gloves. So blindly I ordered two niqaabs and two pairs of gloves. A few weeks later got them in the mail.....For a year starting from the day I got them I would put it all on and admire myself in my bedroom mirror, take it off and fold it. Then along came my husband-to-be about 2 years later.....We wrote our marriage contract and I didn't move with him to the city he lived in, which was 5 hours away from where we had just moved, right away. So he requested that everywhere I go I wear my niqaab....So, a couple days later I wanted to go to Salaat-Al Jumah with my dad, and I remembered my niqaab. I stuffed it into my pocket, and my sister, who I had given my other niqaab took hers along too....In the car we both looked at each other, and tied our niqaabs on quietly. I was shaking with nervousness and fright, but being the brave, courageous and determined (NOT) person that I am me and my sister went down to the Masjid with it on. All the time my dad was watching us in the rear view mirror, not saying anything....So from that day me, my sister and mom all became Munaqabat and haven't taken it off till this day Alhamdulillah and never tend too Inshallah....
Of course we've had our share of stares, pointing and mean words. Before wearing a jilbab, I took Tae Kwon Doe lessons till I got a Blue belt, 3 away from the black belt. So I'm confident walking in the street that no one can lay a finger on me and get away with getting hurt. And Inshallah with each hardship there comes rewards from Allah.....
Niqaab has given me a feeling of power over myself, not just my outer, physical being but my inner mind also. A lot of people come and tell me that "by wearing niqaab I probably stare at every man that passes"....hidden from view but that is so not true.....Staring at the opposite sex from under my niqaab makes me feel like a cheater and a hypocrite so I don't do it with Allah's continuous help Alhamdulillah. When walking some where crowded with people, like the kuffar, I walk with dignity, honor and pride. Pride of being able to cover and control my physical being and release my inner mind. A lot of people have told me that along with being covered in black, I walk with a dare-to-challenge attitude that easily deters wrong doers and kuffar from messing with me. I can, today finally say I have COURAGE. Courage, like every other munaqabah to stare the kuffar and by-name-Muslims in the face, meeting wrong with in-your-face right, meeting unfairness with justice. And doing it all with not a care to what people say and what they think. Now I can truly, while knowing It's true deep in my heart say, I'm a Munaqabah, dependent on no one but Allah, and caring for no ones words but Allah's and his messengers'. I can now say I'm a woman of honor and dignity that no one should dare to mess with.....
Alhamdulillah.
Sorry it was so long but all that and I still feel I haven't justified, in words, the impact of niqaab on my life and knowing that only fellow, true to the heart Munaqabahs know what I mean....
