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My Hijab Story
SaLaM
After coming back from Hajj, my mum began to practice a lot more. She stopped wearing the long dubatta (loose scarf) worn by many Pakistanis and opted for the proper hijab. When I turned 13, my mum told me I would have to start wearing the hijab, as it was wajib on me now. I was terrified when she told me! And so shocked! I was not ready!!! I was scared of disappointing my mum so I began to wear it the day after she told me to.
I started a new school that September. It was a girl’s only private school, and my Geography teacher was a man. When entering his lesson I would slip on the hijab, and when I left from it, off it came. If I happened to come across him at other times of the day I would not put the scarf on, because I was scared of other pupil’s reactions. Meanwhile I hated my new school, it had a reputation for being a school full of tarts and with my extra long skirt and opaque tights I felt very out of place.
I convinced my parents after a while to transfer me back to my old school, which by the mercy of Allah they did. In several respects this was a bad move in the short term. The people in my class I had known since I was five years old. I was petrified of their reaction to my new dress. Luckily for me my school had strict Catholic aspects and the scarf was not allowed.
I went home by public transport from school and when the bus was near my house, I would put on the scarf, so that my mum would think I had been wearing it the whole journey from school. At this time I was having a battle with my soul. I did not like deceiving my mum, and most of all I understood that I was not being a proper Muslim. I was a very good hypocrite. In certain crowds you would think was a very strict Muslim, in others you would think I was a kafir.
One day my mum picked me up from school. She was waiting at the bus stop, when I got there I saw a glimpse of her clothes, recognized them and ran. I ran with all my heart L. I ran to the nearest shopping center, up to the toilets on the fourth floor, put on the hijab and caught a bus. I hoped that my mum had not seen me and I thought of excuse after excuse in my head to tell my mum. When I arrived home my mum was home alone, sitting at the dinner table. “I saw you Maheen, and what did I see?” Her entire face was soaked with disappointment. I cried a lot and for several months the trust and love my mum had for me seemed to vanish. She questioned the motives of all my Islamic actions from then on, even if I really did them for the correct reasons.
The excuse I think I gave my mum was that I was not allowed in school. A long tedious battle arose between my school and the Islamic racial help organizations in Britain. My school finally allowed the wearing of the Hijab. I had no excuses anymore to not wear it; but 3 years later I was still not ready to wear it in school. I was reluctantly wearing it with my Kafir friends out of school!!
I had no male teachers therefore I did not wear the scarf in school (my stupid reason), but on school trips I decided I had to. Two weeks in advance of my first trip, I went round to every member of my class and told them that I would wear the scarf on the trip so please do not make fun of me. They thought I was mad, they said they did not care, it was just a scarf, why was a making a big deal out of it? AlhamduAllah except for a few weird looks I was fine. This gave me a lot of courage that I needed.
It was the summer of last year that I was contemplating taking the scarf off. I felt like a complete hypocrite. It was then that I found Soundvision on the Internet after surfing for an Islamic chat site.
It’s a bit lame, but I found the love of the hijab there and the true meaning of it. Now I love it. My friends tell me often that I have changed my attitude and am always mentioning Islam in every conversation with them subhanAllah! I am no longer scared of what people think of me. I don’t give a damn. I am accountable for my own actions. This year subhanAllah with the help of Allah I began wearing the jilbaab 
WaSaLaM
