Marsh Grove DFL met, and the person has spoken
Originally published in the Star Tribune
Last update: March 6, 2004 at 7:03 PM
Paul Tandberg: Marsh Grove DFL met, and the person has spoken
Paul Tandberg
March 7, 2004
NEWFOLDEN, MINN. -- I haven't been to a local caucus for 20 years. This year my hometown was hosting the district caucus, and as I pulled up to the community center, I saw a stream of people heading inside. I was flabbergasted.
There was a line outside the door. I even saw Jeff and Gopher. Holy cow! Great guys, but I sure didn't expect them to be at a DFL caucus. As my line moved through the door, I saw the sign for the DFL caucus dead ahead. But everyone was peeling off into a room that had a huge picture of Bush and Cheney, a big flag and some red, white and blue streamers attached to the walls. I saw Jeff and Gopher grabbing some cookies off a table filled with homemade goodies. We waved.
Mystery solved. Both parties were caucusing in the same building. I continued on by myself.
I arrived in a room with no streamers and a table with only a couple of plates of institutional-looking doughnuts. I almost became a Republican at that moment. I was ready to turn around when I saw Gail Larson. I really enjoy Gail, so I found some convictions and some coffee, grabbed a hard doughnut, and joined her at a table.
I asked her if she knew what we were supposed to do. She didn't. Another 30 or 40 people were milling about. None of them appeared to know, either. The convention chair called the meeting to order. He asked us to begin with the Pledge of Allegiance. He then looked all around the room. We all did. No flag. The darn Republicans had taken the building's only flag. Someone gave the chairman a brochure that had a small flag printed on the corner. He held the brochure up in the air and we pledged allegiance to it. I wondered what else was in that brochure.
After the pledge, a woman from the county seat got up and read the Democrats' pledge to affirmative action and inclusion. I almost bolted to the cookie room, but realized I had no idea what kind of pledges the Republicans might be in the middle of.
With all the pledges out of the way, we were instructed to get ballots and information packs and break into precinct groups. I saw a packet of stuff labeled "Marsh Grove Precinct." That was me. I looked around. There didn't seem to be anyone going for it. So I grabbed it, went over to an empty table and shouted, "Marsh Grove over here."
No one came. I was the only person from Marsh Grove. So I moved my caucus back over next to Gail's caucus. Gail had been joined by Tammy and Linda to form the New Maine caucus.
Our first task was to select a caucus chair. So I selected myself as the precinct chair.
As precinct chair, I initiated a brief caucus discussion in order to get a feel for the caucus' intentions. I discovered that part of me was leaning toward Al Sharpton, part of me was leaning toward Dennis Kucinich, and part of me was wondering if the Republicans were going to eat all those cookies.
After the discussion, I instructed my caucus to vote for two delegates to represent Marsh Grove at the District 1 convention. (Marsh Grove gets only one delegate, but I figured if I asked everyone to vote for two it would take a little bit of pressure off.) I wrote my name down twice, did a quick count, and pronounced myself as the Marsh Grove Precinct delegate to the District 1A DFL Party Convention. I also named myself as the alternate in case I got sick or something unexpected came up.
After the delegates were selected, the party chair instructed the caucuses to compose and present any resolutions the caucuses wished to be delivered to the District 1 Convention. The Marsh Grove caucus caucused over this. After careful consideration, two resolutions gained a unanimous vote and were presented to the chair. Resolution 1 called for impeachment proceedings to be initiated against George W. Bush for willfully deceiving and manipulating the nation into a war. Resolution 2 called for a federally funded bounty of $3 on pocket gophers, to be paid upon the presentation of two front feet and tail at the county clerk's office.
The chair then instructed the assembled caucuses to take a nonbinding "sense of caucus" vote so that we would have some sort of result to report to an anxious nation. All caucus eyes were on me as I prepared to mark my ballot. Sharpton or Kucinich. Kucinich or Sharpton. I felt the weight of Marsh Grove on my shoulders. If I voted Sharpton, would my pocket gopher resolution provide enough cover? If I voted Kucinich, would I be able to pronounce his name correctly? I asked Gail who she was voting for. "Kucinich," she said. I asked her to repeat it. "Kucinich," she said again. I was now pretty sure I could pronounce Kucinich myself. I repeated to Gail, "Kucinich?" She nodded. My mind was made up. Marsh Grove voted Kucinich.
On my way out, I looked in on the flag-and-streamer room. I thought I could do a little bipartisan mingling and maybe grab a cookie. But they were still going at it. Why? What were they up to?
The game is afoot!
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